You've come to the write place I'd have to say that this title is quite funny, in a sweet and self-conscious sort of way. I am so aware of you, dear reader, so aware of your angelic presence, the way you lovingly visit my words, caressing them with your gaze, undressing them as it were, your eyelashes massaging the musculature of the vowels, your firm hands breaking down the tightness of the consonants.

I can smell you, the sweet scent of powdered sugar on your breath. And when was the last time you washed that jacket? No, no worries, I rather enjoy the complex odorificiousness emanating from it. In a couple days it may become rather unpleasant, but for now, your pungententialifericiousness is quite intoxicacious.

Can I just say that Prince made a misstep when he put out the "Come" album? Other than Letitgo and Come, the rest of the songs are pretty weak and uninspired. Interesting that "The Gold Experience" came out the next year. That, dear readers, is a fucking great album. I wish I had the time now to describe how fucking great it is. Alas I do not. Just get the album, or if you already have it, put it on again, and tell me I'm wrong.   ¶ 4:17 PM

  Quiet Amongst All the Noise That is the key I think. Finding the quiet. Noticing the textures, the bumpy and the rippled, the smooth and the sharp. I think all my favorite songs are in a minor key.

I'm listening to Death Cab For Cutie's, "We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes." It is the epitome of a minor key album. Gentle plucky guitars and ebbing and flowing melodies, sort of a circular, breathing swirl of melancholy. I'm also at work. I'm writing a script about how CSR's (customer service reps) at branches can refer customers who are in the market for a home loan to the SLS (savings loan specialist). It's quite exciting stuff. I'm hoping that the music I listen to will imbue the script with some deeper level of humanity. Maybe I'll have the customer break down in tears...."I never thought I'd ever get a home loan!!!....My prayers have been answered!" And then the CSR will remind the customer that she only referred her to the SLS, chances are that she will be denied the loan because crazy loons without a lot of money tied up in CD's or annuities are poo-pooed at World Savings.

That will create an added element of drama and surprise which will surely shake the comatose audience from their lilypad corporate moorings. I think I should look up the word mooring, but I think it's used properly.

Since I am at work I am now required to do that which I am paid to do and so must go and do that which I am paid to do, namely work.  ¶ 12:29 PM

  I can crack my neck like this! All I gotta do is shake my head back and forth violently! Even not-so-violently does it. I've got to reverse this recent trend toward muscle tightness, tendonitis and arthritic achiness. I think I need to get new pillows, do more yoga, start acupuncture again, get weekly massages (after finding a sugar mama....maybe some rich doctor?) and relax my shoulders. That's all I need to do. And eat more carrots. That's always a good thing.

I'm going to have to work on my script for work this weekend as I got none of it done today. I didn't really waste the day, I did put together a casting reel for the next video and that takes a few hours, but I could have at least started the script. Oh well. I won't lose sleep over it. But I probably will lose some waking time. Not sure what that means.

Sometimes I'm really funny. Humorous in a wholly original, multi-faceted way. Other times I'm embarrassingly not-funny. Embarrassing for you people. Not me. I am convinced that I'm 100 percent funny. And when you don't laugh it's only because you haven't reached up the level where the humor is yet. Notice I didn't say "sunk down to" the level. That's because my sense of humor is of a level so complex and layered that the laughing reaction may not happen until minutes, hours, even days later.

You may ask yourself - how does he maintain such a high level of wit and charm? Is it because he is blessed with an enormous funny bone? Is he a humor scavenger, scraping together bits from all around him, building a self-perpetuating, freaky joke-monster? That's so nice of you to consider this, but I am really just like you. A man with faults and concerns and a need for quiet time every once in a while. Do not put me on a pedestal - even if that would make me about average height.
  ¶ 5:20 PM

  More dreams that are a bit fuzzy now, but one I remember vaguely had me and Colin and Jill and Tisha driving in Colin's car (he doesn't have one in reality) to Japan. In the dream, Japan is like Mexico, it is our neighbor to the south. We drive and arrive in about 3 hours. When we get there, Japan is like a Dr. Seuss drawing. The hills are steep and green and all the colors are rich and exaggerated. We find the 80's motel, where all the rooms are decorated to represent different 80's new wave bands. There is the Flock of Seagulls room and the Cure room and the Duran Duran room and all the rooms have posters of the bands and graffiti related to the bands spray painted on the walls. Of course songs are heard continuously from ceiling speakers. Colin thinks this is the greatest place that ever existed and all I can think is that this is not what I expected Japan to be like. And I wondered if there was a Kenny Loggins room.

Another dream I had....My grandfather (Mom's Dad) is dying and in bed. He's in his apartment (the one I remember going to as a teenager) and no one else is there. He is on his stomach and is coughing. He sort of is hanging off the side of the bed a bit. He is a bit gnarled and constricted. I start to give him a massage and his skin is cool and clammy. He immediately relaxes when I do this. I massage his back and arms and shoulders and he starts to become smaller, as if he is shrinking. Not in an exaggerated way, but sort of like the tension and fear of death he was holding in his body had made him a larger person and now that I was relaxing him he was fading away. I told him not to hold on, that wherever he was going was a good place. It was almost as if he was giving me his life and I could feel it feeding me through my fingers. I remember feeling so torn - both being a conduit for him to move on and the force that was ending his life.

Very strange - especially since I've been thinking about my grandmother (Dad's Mom) a lot lately. She comes back to me in dreams a lot. I would have dreams where she is still alive and in the dream I was so sure she had died and was confused how I could have thought that if here she is, cooking a matzoball soup and gossiping about the other ladies in the building? I was her favorite - she would tell me that all the time. I felt guilty -- because I thought you were supposed to love your grandkids equally -- but secretly I basked in those comments. I was the only one in the family who never got frustrated or annoyed at my Grandma's eccentricities. She was funny as hell and that she would steal all the sweet and lows, equals and sugars at the restaurants (dump them directly into her huge purse) was so cool to me. She would complain about her food being too cold or not what she wanted after all, and I thought she was just wielding her power. I remember one time, we were at the Cheesecake Factory in Woodland Hills (big restaurant, big menu) with the whole family and Nana Muriel (I never did call her Grandma) was looking at the bar menu and noticed the drink "sex on the beach." She thought it was the funniest name ever. When the waitress came over (a cute 20ish girl) to take our orders, Nana loudly asked, "what's this 'sex on the beach'? have you ever had sex on the beach?" The waitress was so embarrassed and turned an assortment of red -- and I couldn't stop laughing all night long. The rest of my family thought Nana was being obnoxious and rude. I imagine she's still torturing waitstaffs somewhere, reminding people to lighten up a bit.   ¶ 11:16 AM

  soy mocha and a baguettey thing from Arizmendi. That's what I've injested so far. In case you were wondering. I'm a little bit jittery, but in a good way. I am at work and I really should be doing work-related things as there are many of them to be done but instead I blog and feel guilty and put off what I am paid to do. I look at this procrastination action as a method of inspiring me toward real focused productive work, that the ecstasy I develop here in this bloggish creation will propel me into a world of unfathomable productivity. I will become worker concentrate. What takes most employees an hour to complete I will finish in 5 minutes. I will be the whirling dervish of World Savings. I will probably be promoted to CEO or VP and all the suits will wonder "who that guy is."

I slept well, thanks for asking. I had a dream that I killed someone and had to hide the body but I didn't hide it very well and was certain I was about to be caught. I think I was on the run but I can't remember. This would lead one to think I didn't sleep well. That murderous dreams would signify a frightful night. Usually I'd agree, but I also had a dream where I was being seduced by an older woman who looked like Jacqueline Bisset. Circa 1985. I think it was at the airport or a big office building. I'm not sure. I do remember that I was playing it real cool and my aloofness was a big turn-on to Jacqueline (let's call her that for now). It never became sexual; no clothes were shed. But the energy - I'm telling you, I had Jackie wrapped around my....finger. So, the combination of the disturbing dream and the sex dream sort of offset each other and I ended up having a pretty good night of sleep.
  ¶ 11:37 AM

  Badly Dressed Boy Listening to the Badly Drawn one and thought that I should start a solo project based on my fashion (non)sense. I could do a runway show, strutting cocksuredly, wearing ill-fitting Jordache jeans and a sleeveless striped shirt (horizontal stripes) with a headband and maybe some legwarmers. For some reason I hear George Michael's "Freedom" played on the soundtrack, but sung by Michael Stipe, and the Brodsky Quartet playing the music.

I dripped chocolate sorbet on my bright yellow "Velveeta" t-shirt and I'm hoping the the water I rubbed into the stain will take care of it. It's really the only "cool" shirt I own and I don't want to have to go back to NY to get another one. I would like to go back to NY actually. Whenever I go there I feel like I don't really get to stay long enough to see much. That all my NY friends are dirt poor doesn't help.

In two months time I will be in Japan, immersed in a new culture, unable to read the signs, understand what anyone is saying or (maybe) write in my blog. I start my conversational Japanese class tonight. It's really just a tutor, my friend Tiffany and myself. I'm hoping my mental block for learning new languages unclogs, because it will really be a good thing to understand a little Japanese. I'm imagining that I will be quite popular in Japan. Both women and men will have sexual stirrings and a few may wonder where they know me from. Is he....? He sure does look familiar....

Several times today my body began to contort into the shape it usually takes when I'm about to sneeze and each time no sneeze came forth and this distresses me greatly. I lean to the right, then the left, like Joe Cocker on stage, knees bent awkwardly, fists clenched, awaiting the cathartic release. I can't help but wonder if it all has a deeper meaning. Am I stifling more than just a few innocent germs?

I must eat a vegetable before the sun sets tonight.   ¶ 4:05 PM

  Too Late For the Kayaking Story? It feels so anticlimactic to finish transcribing my kayak trip journal. It was more than 3 weeks ago now and I've moved on. The most telling part is that my bruise that I acquired on the trip is almost gone. And I didn't even get to the bruise making moment of the trip. How pathetic.

Have I mentioned how awesome a softball player I am yet? I am. I'm really good and I mean this in an ego-free, empirical context. I'm not so sure that I like my team very much though; most of the men are either too macho or too unapproachable. The women are friendlier, warmer and talk to me which is of course to be expected. Other than Samantha none of them I would imagine befriending outside of the softball context. Keely and Colin are already my friends and if anything, sharing the field with them has deepened my friendships with both of them. There's nothing quite like scoring runs with people you care about.

I'm listening to Grandpaboy, which is really Paul Westerberg finally channeling his Replacements persona. It's the closest he's gotten to reaching the brilliance of 1985's "Tim." I remember seeing the Replacements play live at the Country Club in the Valley....it was one of the best shows ever. The Replacements were always known for being either the best live band or the worst, depending on their level of drunkenness. They were pretty drunk at this show, but were so sloppy and loose that they were tighter than Cher's cheeks (either ones). Ok, that was a belabored analogy, but I couldn't think of another "tight" example that was both funny and fitting. Nothing that wasn't offensive to my puritan readers. Is that puritanical readers? I wish I had a siamese twin who was really good with grammar and would correct my grammatical missteps, in a loving and supportive manner.

I was supposed to videotape a live women's boxing match tonight at the Oakland Colosseum, but Gina "Boom Boom" Guidi, the boxer of note, didn't get her blood tests cleared in time and so it was cancelled. So lame. I was really looking forward to a real job for a change. The excitement and pressure of capturing a live event like that. Going backstage and shooting the post-fight interview. Oh well. I got to take a nap. That is never a bad thing.

I really should eat something, as all I've had today is a 1/2 apple, a cup of soup and a piece of bread. It's 9:15pm. I'm not especially hungry. I have been eating less lately, not really thinking about it. Cooking feels like a nuisance. Maybe it's the heat. Maybe I'm satisfying my hunger in other ways. Hey, that's not what I mean. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  ¶ 9:20 PM

  abandonment Yeah, it's true, I've abandoned my blog, but not because of laziness. It's busyness that has kept me away. I couldn't even finish the kayaking trip story. I'm a loser, yes I know. But this blog above all else is for me and there will be moments, some of which may last days, where I achieve my satisfaction away from the home of musings and warblings and this is not to say that you and this "space" are not valued and important, it's just that I've got a lot of love to spread and folks in need of it request my presence on a regular basis.

I made another mix CD for Keely and I'm listening to it now. There's a song on it called "Hung Up In You" by Madder Rose that is really sweet and tender and now it has just ended and Ryan Adams' "Gonna Make You Love Me" is playing, which is good because I was starting to feel a little vulnerable. I was about to ask for a hug. But now I'm more in the mood for a kiss. Something with a little tongue. Just a little. No wide, flat, down the throat forceful stuff. That will just ruin the mood. Now it's Nicolai Dunger, who I discovered recently and I think he can become the next big thing. He's the Swedish Van Morrison. Really soulful stuff. Great voice. Lots of horns. Very early 70's, Moondance-era stuff. And for you girls (and guys, I suppose), he's pretty fine on the eyes. Look him up on the web and tell me I'm wrong.

My bruise is healing nicely now and I'm nearing optimal physical readiness. I'm going to take Step Class for the first time in a month tomorrow. I've really fallen off the wagon as far as going to the gym goes. That was a poorly structured sentence. I shouldn't have used "going" and "goes" so close together. I apologize for not spending the time to frame that better.

I really should go to bed now, I have a long day ahead of me. A day I plan to savor and let swirl around in my mouth.   ¶ 1:26 AM

  Day1 July 26th -
2nd day of the kayaking trip. Don't expect to get much in the form of detailed description of flora and fauna here. I will use the words TREES and FLOWERS to represent the plant-life and the words LITTLE CRITTER and BIG CRITTER to designate animal-life.

The drive up was uneventful and hot. No car troubles, no arguments, no long waits for the ONECARTHATMADEAWRONGTURN. Also no music, as my makeshift car stereo (tinny little porto speakers hooked into a walkman) is completely inaudible while driving at high speeds with the windows down. BC, the event organizer and all around good guy drove with me.

Here's a breakdown of the cast of characters and the cars they rode in on. In Rochelle's car were: Rochelle, Gretchen, Heather and Katie. In Laurel's car were: Laurel, Autumn and Sara (with no H). In Steve (not me)'s car were Steve (not me) and Greg. And my truck had BC and myself. To put it all in context: Rochelle is my ex-girlfriend Joanne's ex-roommate. She and Autumn are close friends. In fact it was Autumn who introduced Joanne to me way back when at a dinner party. Autumn and I are good friends, which is probably easy to deduce from this using the A + B = C methodology. BC is Autumn's fiancee. I will be missing their wedding as I will be in Japan. This bums me out, but they won't reschedule their wedding.

Laurel is Autumn's younger sister, who lives in Santa Cruz. Heather is Rochelle's good friend, and the only other person I knew beforehand. Katie is the roommate of Autumn & BC's good friends (names to be inserted here later) and is very nice. I don't think she knew anyone on the trip other than BC and Autumn. Greg is an old roommate of BC's and is a 6'5" redhead with fair skin. He's also very funny. Not as funny as me, but pretty damn funny. He, Rochelle, BC and Autumn had done this same trip last year. Steve (not me) and Sara (no H) are married and live in El Sobrante, where we picked up the inflatable kayaks and the gear. They are total outdoorsy types and super sweet people. Last is Gretchen, and I'm not quite sure her connection to the group, but I think she's BC's cousin.

Oh, BTW, here's a link to some pictures of where the trip was:

We set out after about 2 hours of kayak inflation, dry bag organization, bag tie-down, and melted chocolate cookie eating (in case you are unaware - chocolate melts in the heat, and is not a recommended food choice for 100 degree kayak trips). I was the 2nd to last to depart, with BC as the designated Caboose.

Almost immediately I crashed into a clump of trees and then got stuck on a rock. After this initial moment of retardation, I discovered my rhythm and a crashless journey downriver until the first night's camp followed. There were lots of calm patches in which to coast and enjoy the TREES, FLOWERS AND CREATURES. No roads or phone lines within eye or ear shot.

I just remembered another incident of kayak fun. I was cruising along, managing all the rapids just fine when I came upon Sara (no h). Somehow she knew to move to the left at the upcoming rapids and avoided the big rock. Somehow I didn't. I knew I'd have to get out of the kayak to dislodge the kayak, which did work, but because of the force of the water, I couldn't just get back in and either had to let the kayak go ahead or do a headfirst dive into the kayak. Head first in the kayak isn't the best position in which to steer, especially with the oar beneath me, and I found myself heading directly for a huge tree jutting out from the hillside. So I jumped out and pulled the kayak away from the evil trunk. Only now the water was 6 feet deep and I couldn't hoist myself back in the kayak without tipping it, so I swam alongside for a while until BC caught up to me and I used his kayak for leverage and got back in. About 2 minutes later, just before camp, BC capsized and tipped completely over.

It was 5:30 when we got to camp and some of us swam and played in the water. Some set up camp and some drank a lot of beer and smoked a lot of pot. I was assigned to that group. Eventually, dinner (lentil stew and cucumber salad - YUM!) was ready (thanks, Autumn/BC) and we all sat around swatting mosquitos and playing cards. Actually the mosquitos weren't bad at all -- I was just trying to add some drama. We played Hearts and Greg won, but had the least amount of visible fun, so really Autumn won because she had the most amount of visual fun.

Stargazing followed and then sleep. We had two large tarps spread out and all laid our thermarests and sleeping bags on them and awaited the next day of fun in the sun.


  ¶ 11:32 AM

  OK, here's a day to day breakdown of my river kayaking trip of July 26-28th. This is a rough transcription of the journal I took while on the trip. The last day of the trip will soon be posted. Hopefully it'll feel like being there yourself!  ¶ 9:40 AM