But first a few things for the new year.... I will post my top ten albums of 2003, but that requires both time and effort and discipline, 2 of which I don't have. So, instead I will talk about what I want for the New Year. For 2004.

I want to reduce my dry cereal consumption.

I want to get a comfortable and sturdy couch.

I want to cook more and cook for others more.

I want to take deeper breaths.

I want to take more baths.

I want to make a film that I feel passionate about.

I want to write a couple short stories.

I want to meet friends for tea more often.

I want to play in the dirt on a regular basis.

I want to do more situps.

I want to make a website for my video projects.

I want to never get sick and never have car trouble.

I want to spend less time on the internet.  ¶ 5:42 PM

  Been Lacking in Words Lately But now that I'm reading a truly great book, "10th Grade," I am ready to force the words back out. The book is a dead-on portrait of 10th grade from the point of view of Jeremiah Reskin, an average 15 year old in an average suburban high school. The language so perfectly captures the rhythms and thoughts of a horny, self-conscious teenage kid trying to appear non-chalant and cool amongst his peers. It also takes place in the 80's, which is when I went to high school. There's a great moment when Jeremy is at the mall with his sister and they go into "The Limited" to look for a dress for her. He sees a girl that he finds really attractive and starts rummaging through sweaters, taking peeks at her. He starts to imagine all sorts of heroic scenarios where he gets to save her from terrorists/thieves/college boys -- his reward being that he gets to walk her to her parents car in the parking lot.

I am an old man now. It is official. I am 37. I think the average lifespan is about 74 years for men (and I know someone is going to look this up on the internet and tell me that it's 75 or 76 or 80, but the point is it that I am at my mid-life now and am allowed a crisis) and so I officially have lived half my life. Which is very odd to me, because although there are moments when I feel old, or think I look old (or my age), there are more moments when I think I am still a teenager, trying to figure out my place in the world. Reading "10th Grade" only accentuates this, as I identify so much with Jeremy, so much more than characters in novels who are in their late 30's or older. Unless the character is emotionally stunted and pop-culture obsessed, like in "High Fidelity."

I had my annual Hannukah/Birthday bash the other night and although it was sorta fun (I don't really have fun at my own parties), I felt kinda bummed that it was basically over at 11pm. I'm told that this is a sign of getting older, that the older you get the earlier the guests leave at your parties. Also, the "4 hour" theory was explained to me. The theory is that people stay at parties for 4 hours, on the average, so if you want it to go late, start your party at 9pm. I, of course, instead see it as my failure at entertaining my guests sufficiently; maybe if I danced on the tables or got naked people would have stayed longer. Maybe the naked part would have ended the party even earlier; I'll choose to believe that my nakedness is always a benefit to any occasion.

I was impressed with the amount of drinking, though. 4 bottles of wine, 25 or so beers and a bunch of vodka and sake were ingested -- so the fact that it was over by 11 and no one got naked makes no sense to me. I think it's that getting old thing again. Alcohol just makes people over 30 go to sleep - there's a 10 minute window of euphoria and then a 3 hour downslide.

I'm listening to the new Marc Almond album, "Heart on Snow." It's really, really good. It's his "Russian folk-song" album. It makes me long for the old country. I get melancholy and clutch my chest, which is beneath layers of wool and fur-lined parkas, swig from a bottle of homemade Vodka and curse the bitter cold and the corrupt politicians. I'm no expert on Marc Almond - I have listened to maybe one of his 15 solo albums, but I know good music and this one is a good one. It's my first listen-thru, which if you've read my other blog entries, shouldn't surprise you; it's a testament to the strength of this album that I intend to listen to it again. He even sings in Russian on several songs, which is friggin' cool, if you ask me. It's the sort of album that I would have hated before a few years ago, when I became open-minded, musically. (I'm still closed-minded about most other things, especially fornication.) It's the sort of album I can play for my parents. Actually, I think my grandparents would have appreciated it more.

So, in case you were keeping track, I now have 7966 songs on my computer/Ipod. That's the equivalent of 20.2 days straight of music. Not that I'm bragging. It's just that some of you are keeping a tally and I want to present the figures.

Oh - the song that's playing now, "Gone But Not Forgotten," kinda sounds like Soft Cell a bit. More like Marc's voice is Soft Cellish. Or not. What the hell do I know.   ¶ 1:58 PM

  How to help the crazy and deranged You know those people you see on the street who are mumbling to themselves, sometimes yelling nonsense at the top of their lungs? Those drunken, mentally unbalanced individuals that you tend to cross to the other side of the street to avoid? Well, I have a plan on how to get them to blend in with the rest of us.

Give them cell phones.

Not working ones - broken ones. If these raving lunatics (I think that's the term they prefer) are spouting gibberish into a phone, they will resemble the majority of the urban population who walk the street, seemingly talking to themselves. I think we are so used to people gesticulating wildly, waxing impassionately into their cell phones as we pretend to ignore them, that it no longer is considered rude. What's rude is to interrupt what I call the "cellular slam", this new form of street poetry, just because you get distracted from your daydream about that girl/boy on the 7th floor, Louis or Louise or whatever.

Broken phones, because I imagine the costs would be low or non-existent. There has to be a warehouse somewhere, full of unfixable cellphones, collecting dust, harming the environment. Also, chances are that these nutballs are too far gone as to be able to work one of these phones. Hell, I struggle with mine all the time and I'm the definition of mental acuity. So if the phones don't work, then issues such as which "plan" to sign up for are a thing of the past. They can talk for as many minutes as they want and it's all free. In fact, I think that it should become law that the people who talk to themselves -- the Jesus freaks, the mumblers, the non-sensical -- have to do their socially unpleasant work using a broken cellphone. That's a proposition I would try to get on the ballot. I think I'll pass this idea to Matt Gonzales -- perhaps it's the sort of brilliant concept that will get him past that lily-pad frat boy snob, Gavin Newsom.

Hmmm.....I didn't think I was going to write a pro "cell phone in public" piece, but hey, it's an opinion that doesn't get expressed much, and we all have them. Cellphones, I mean. I'm not sure if we all have opinions.

  ¶ 4:32 PM

  Fuzzy's Got Nothing to Say except that I need to get a new pair of glasses. I'm feeling out of step and out of sync in regards to my eyewear. Plus, the ones I have are scratched all to hell. I've stopped cleaning them due to an abundance of apathy and protest. Can one have an abundance of protest? Yes, if that one is me. And this one also has an abundance of schmutz on his glasses.

Band of 2003? Glad you asked. I'm not ready to offer my top ten releases of 2003 just yet, but I will let you know that The Decemberists will be at or near the top of that list. I discovered them this year, so three albums worth of material is "new" for me, though just one was released this year. I'm listening to "Castaways and Cutouts" right now and every song is amazing. I do like it more than the latest one, but that one is great too. They are so good that it's not fair to the other bands making music today.

I really could use a shower about now. Thank goodness this is a non-olfactory medium, this internet.   ¶ 7:02 PM